Jessica and World Autism Awareness Day 2012

A letter to my daughter Jessica, on World Autism Day:
Dear Jessica,

When you were born, I was most excited about your blue eyes. Your father and I both have brown eyes, and everyone told me the color would fade from the sparkly blue to a darker brown. I knew better. I sensed that you would have blue eyes. Having blue eyes meant an awful lot to me back then. Maybe I thought children with blue eyes were treated better, or that because of your eye color things would come easier to you. Whatever ridiculous notion I had about your blueberry eyes, was just that; ridiculous.

Autism strikes no matter what color your eyes are.

Jessica, you have autism. I don’t think I have ever spoken that sentence to you. As a mother, it is hard to speak about labels and disabilities to your child. But know this, you may have autism but autism certainly does not have you. It just makes some things harder for you. Playing with friends, or going to school is hard for you because of autism. Loud noises and transitions are hard for you because of your autism. But autism has also given you so many wonderful traits. You are a talented artist. You would draw all day, every day if you could. You know more about cats than I could ever hope to learn. Because of you, I know that the Turkish Van is a cat that likes to swim. That is one cool thing to know! Thank you for that tidbit. Autism gives you that enormous and creative imagination. You are the most imaginative person I know. You have introduced us to your gang of imaginary cats, headed by Anga. Anga is pretty awesome. She used to work at Subway, and she is British? How cool is that??

This might sound a little odd, but I would like to thank autism for giving me such a wonderful daughter. I couldn’t imagine you any other way. You are a blessing to every life you touch.
Thanks autism, for my blueberry-eyed, creative, magical, loving, and silly Jessica. If you didn’t give me the beautiful parts of Jessica, I would never be able to laugh through the hard days.

Love,
Mommy

Long time, no read

It has been a long time since I have written my blog. Insert lots of excuses here.

Many changes have occured since May. Jessica is now in 3rd grade, and seems to be doing well. No calls from the principal this year!

I am back at work after a 4 year hiatus. I LOVE my job, but it has been an adjustment to our schedule. Although I have to admit it has compelled me to be less of a helicopter mom.

I think the newest thing with Jessica has been the introduction of a new imaginary friend. Although if you asked her, the friend is not imaginary. Anga is a "real" cat friend. Anga has lived an interesting life. She used to work at Subway, she is afraid of average humans, and she is 27 years old. Anga also has a sister named Rangus, and a neighbor named Robbie.

There is no doubt that Jessica has a vivid imagination!

Jessica's Birthday

My beautiful baby girl is going to turn 8 in a matter of weeks. I cannot believe my little 3lb 12oz, 34 weeker is going to be another year older.

It feels like this is a big milestone for Jessica and myself. 8 is an age that I can remember from my childhood. Things before that age are a little blurry. Of course I can remember things here and there, but it seems as if 8 is when a child starts forming memories that stay with them for life.

Jessica will remember the period in time that she had to wear a back brace. She will remember having a 3-D Tuxedo Cat birthday cake. She will remember when I took her away for the night on a girls mini-vacation to a small New Hampshire hotel. Jessica will remember the taste of cafeteria pizza on Friday afternoons. She will remember playing with her brother at the park down the street, and how it felt to slide down the twisty slide. Hopefully she will remember all of the good things that come with being 8.

Happy Almost-Birthday Jessica! I love you :-)

Worst Mother in the World

Do any of you have children on the spectrum that frequently complain about sickness because they don't know how else to communicate?

It started when Jessica was learning to speak at about 3 years old. She would complain that she was "itchy" when she was stressed or had a sensory overload.
It slowly moved into other things such as "My hip hurts." "My legs are wobbly." "I have a fever." "I have the strep (strep throat)". "My stomach hurts." "My back hurts."

WELL.......after 4 months or so of Jessica complaining about her back, I noticed that she wasn't always complaining of back pain when things were getting out of control for her. I decided to take her to the pediatrician, and she suggested that we take Jessica to a back specialist to get some xrays.

Fast forward to a week ago: Jessica has spondylolothis
It is a common stress fracture for growing kids. Apparently Jessica had all the symptoms: back pain, tight hamstrings, and a forward leaning posture.


She now has to wear a back brace, that looks super uncomfortable. Although she LOVES the tight t-shirt she has to wear under the brace. Upside!

It's official. I am the worst mother in the world. My kid has a stress fracture, and I didn't do anything about it for a while. I really dislike Autism. Because if not for Autism, I would have take her to the doctor right away.

I do feel a little better about being the worst mother in the world because her teachers admitted to being the worst teachers in the world because they overlooked her complaints as well.

How do you decide when a complaint from a child on the spectrum is real, and when it is just a coping mechanism??

Girl Scouts and Special Needs

If you are reading this blog, and you are a parent or caregiver of a special needs girl please take a minute to fill out this survey!

Click here to take survey

Pity; Party of 1

I just came home from a very cute and entertaining talent show. The kids are all from Jessica's school and range from kindergarten to 2nd grade. They did a great job, and were so cute. Jessica's brother Jack came along with me to root on his classmates. He had a blast.

Now here is where the Pity Party starts. About half way through, I started to get very upset. Jessica will never be one of those girls shakin' their groove thangs to a Hannah Montana song. She won't dress up like a puppy and sing "Who Let the Dogs Out".

Jessica didn't even want to go to watch the show, nevermind be in it. Everytime I broached the subject she ran away from me screaming. I am sorry, but this makes me want to cry. I wish for her to be able to enjoy silly things like watching her friends make fools of themselves at a 2nd grade talent show.

If you want to know where I am tonight, I will be at "Ristorante Depressed". My reservation is under "Pity; party of 1"

Jessica's Audition

Here is the video of Jessica at Disney's Hollywood Studios.

She is auditioning for the part of "Kitty"