Jessica and Eye Contact

Don't you love it when you are trying to have a conversation with your daughter, and you tell her to look at you, and she automatically turns her head toward you but not her eyes?
Gotta love Autism!

Jessica and Dr. Becker

Yesterday was Jessica's semi-annual visit to Dr. Becker. He is Jessica's developmental pediatrician that we see at Children's Hospital Boston. I call him her "autism doctor". He and his team at the Developmental Medicine Clinic were the ones that initial diagnosed Jessica as being on the autism spectrum.

Dr. Becker is truly a wonderful doctor. He is easy to talk to, listens to all my concerns and questions, and above all is fantastic with Jessica. He asks her questions about school and home in such a way that puts Jessica at ease. She really likes him, and I honestly wish he was her regular pediatrician...but that is a whole other story!

Here you see Jessica patiently reading a book in the waiting room.

Jessica really had a good visit with him, and was just so good for the whole trip. The weather was cool and sunny, so I took a few minutes after the appointment to let Jessica play at a small outside playground the hospital has. It was so nice because we were the only ones there, yet we were in the middle of towering sky scrapers. I had never taken Jessica to this playground before, and she was so excited.


She loved climbing the structure, and sliding down the slide. The look of happiness on her face was so beautiful. Jessica is really a great kid, and I love her so much!


I just want to thank Jessica for being such a great daughter, and for being so well behaved for appointments that I wish didn't even exist. I love you Jessicat!

Jessica and mornings

Have I mentioned Jessica is not a morning person? Well if I haven't, I am now.

The morning started off innocuous enough. Jessica got up a few minutes earlier than she normally does, and snuggled in my bed with me for a while. It was really nice until I started talking about going to school. She then started to pull the "I'm sick" card....fake cough and all. How at the age of 7 she knows how to do this, I have no idea.

Of course I had to bargain with her to go to school. I told her that if she still felt sick at school, she could go to the nurse and I would pick her up. Then I pulled out the big guns. I told her after school we could go to the Hello Kitty store. That promise sealed the deal.

It should come as no surprise that I got a call from her special education teacher at 3pm letting me know that Jessica had a bad day. Of course the Mommy-guilt hit me in the gut. If I had just kept her home she would have been able to participate in Reading Buddies, she would have been able to draw the dandelion the rest of the class did, and she wouldn't have cried all day at school.

I am a bad Mommy.

P.S. We did go to the Hello Kitty Store. So maybe I am not that bad after all.

Jessica and her Birthday

Seven years ago today I couldn't breathe, I had high blood pressure, and I was ready to "get this thing outta me!". You guessed it. Today is Jessica's 7th birthday.

I really can't believe she is 7. It seems like only a minute ago she was a peachy, square-faced baby with blueberry eyes. Now she is a peachy, square-faced 7 year old with blueberry eyes.

So much has changed, but so much has stayed the same. When I think about Jessica as an infant, I think about how she loved her swing....and the hours she would spend in it. I remember telling people what a good baby she was. "She hardly ever cries, and can keep herself occupied!". Little did I know this was a trait that should have shouted "WARNING: AUTISM AHEAD"

I think about how one day she could say her name, and other words like "blanket" and "cup", and the next day she couldn't. I also think about how her thin, beautiful hair curled at the ends, and how excited I was to have a child with blue eyes. I think about her exquisite chubby cheeks, and how if she was thirsty she would go to the fridge and bring me the milk instead of asking for a drink.

Jessica has come such a long way. I am so proud of what she can and has accomplish. I love her with all my heart, and wouldn't trade her for a bazillion dollars.

Happy Birthday Jessica!

Jessica and her new sneakers

Jessica is a creature of habit. She craves structure and routine. And if you mess with her structure often times her day (and mine) will be negatively affected.

Jessica has a pair of pink shoes that she wears EVERY day. At this point, they aren't so pink anymore,more of like a brown-mauve color. I also am not sure whether or not they even fit her anymore.....but she continues to insist on wearing them every morning.

Last week I received a note from her school PT asking that Jessica wear sneakers on Wednesday and Friday. I instantly felt a pang of anxiety, because I knew this was going to be an issue.

On Monday I went out to the store, and I bought Jessica a pair of sneakers. I fought with myself over whether or not to buy her a pair with laces or not. I was hoping if I bought a pair with laces, this would prompt Jessica to finally learn how to tie her shoes.

I made the wrong choice.

She is absolutely crazy about which way the ties go, and making them even. I thought I would only be faced with the anxiety of switching shoes. That is definitely not the case. Now we spend precious time in the morning getting her laces just right. When does it get easier?

As a side note, Jessica did spice up this issue with her own Jessica-ness. She insists that she doesn't like her laces because they are too "noodley". Oh Jess...you make me laugh.

Jessica and bad days

Today has not been a good day for Jessica. I will say that she has been doing a lot better as of late.....so for her to have a day like today feels like a big punch to the gut.

Jessica was invited to a birthday party for one of the girls in her class. It was being held at a local paint your own pottery place. She had been excited to go all week. Until it was time to go.

Getting her dressed was a disaster. She didn't want to wear any of the outfits I picked out for her. But unlike a typical kid, the reasons she didn't want to wear them weren't because she didn't like the color etc. She didn't want to wear one dress because she said it was too "didgy". Now I am sure that classification is very clear to her. But to me, not so much.

After lots of tears and anxiety, I finally got her dressed. I think my next mistake was making her wear a pony tail. This caused a freakout of the highest magnitude. She told me that the elastic was ugly, she looked ugly in the pony tail, and that she wanted her little bump to be covered. I guess I should backtrack and let you know that a few years ago I discovered a lump right in front of her right ear, along her cheek. We took her to a plastic surgeon, and she had some tests done. Luckily, the bump was nothing that medically needed to be taken care of. But to a kid like Jessica, the bump is a HUGE deal. She always wants it covered, and has a lot of anxiety about it.

So after the getting dressed and bump covering ordeal, I was hopeful that she would get over the bad day hump and be happy to go to the party. The car ride was very tearful, but Jessica did pull herself together enough to get excited and ran into the party. At this point about 7 girls from her class ran up to her and informed her that they had Hello Kitty plaster statues to paint. The girls in her class really do watch out for her ;-) So I felt ok about leaving her.

Jessica is at the age where parents "dump and run" at birthday parties. So far this year Jessica has done very well at these parties without me there. Today was a little different. I went to pick her up after 90 minutes and I could see that she had been crying and that she was very upset. She kept insisting on a pink balloon, and asking where her goodies were. She was also upset that she couldn't watch her friend open her presents (the Mom smartly decided to do this at home). What makes Jessica different is at this age some of the kids may be thinking all of thiese things, but they don't react to them. They don't let the fact that their balloon isn't pink eat away at them until they can't control their actions.

I looked at the Dad of the birthday girl, and I could tell that Jessica had been acting this way the whole party. I immediatley felt embarassed....but then felt bad for Jessica because I knew that she was struggling to keep it together the whole time.

The good news is that I took Jessica home, she stiripped off her clothes and is happy as a clam playing with her Ugly Dolls. She needs structure and predictability....something that she didn't really have at the party today.

Jessica and St Patrick's Day

I don't know why, but Jessica LOVES St. Patrick's Day. She loves to dress up in green, and pretend she is a leprechaun. It's funny because we aren't even Irish!

My husband is Italian and German, and I am Scottish. My husband really informs the kids about their Italian and German heritage. So much so that Jessica can sing the German national anthem......in German. It's pretty funny to be doing the dishes or something, and hear from another room "Deutschland, Deutschland über alles".

This love of Germany also explains why I often times find Jessica on YouTube watching Spongebob Squarepants in German. How she finds it, I have no idea.



Ok, so back to St Patrick's Day. This year Jessica wore a great headband, green shamrock shirt, and a necklace I got at a party store. It was a day she looked forward to going school.....so I was happy to dress her up in whatever she wanted to wear. Sometimes I wish there were these little holidays everyday so she would be eager to go to school. She had a good day too. Thank you St. Patrick :-)

Jessica and no school

There was a big wind/rain storm here in the Northeast this weekend. Lots of downed trees, flooding, and power outages.
Luckily we still have electricity, but apparently this can't be said for the rest of my town. School has been cancelled for the day.

I went in to Jessica's room around 5:30am, right after I received the call. Jessica was awake (of course). I went in and told her there was no school....and I have to tell you....the look of pure joy on her face was PRICELESS.

Ahhh, to be a kid again :-)

Jessica and her star

Jessica will not do homework. This is something that I have been struggling to try and get her to connect to. She absolutely hates to do any sort of writing, in school or at home. It is actually something the school has been really trying to work with her on. We are pretty confident she can do the work, but there is some sort of block that prohibits her from wanting to produce any written output.

Reading is obviously a big deal in 1st grade. I have tried so many different ways to get Jessica to "read". I have tried typing words into the computer (because we all know how much Jessica likes my laptop), I have tried writing words on a dry erase board, I have tried buying books about cats, dogs, etc., and I have tried any and every kind of reward system there is out there.

Here are the facts:
I have a child who won't write without a fight
I have a child who won't read (even though I know she can)

I was at Staples the other day, and saw that they had flashcards for sight words. They just happened to be next to the old school metallic stars. I got an idea. I would try to offer a star as a reward for going through the flashcards.

The flashcards sat on my kitchen table for a few days, because I was afraid to try another thing that she would not respond to.
I decided yesterday to just take them out, and have Jessica come to me. There were 216 words of varying levels.

I didn't make a big deal of it. We were sitting at the kitchen table, and I just opened the package and pulled out the first stack of cards. She started reading them out loud without me even asking.

That smart little girl read 176 of those 216 cards!!!!

It just proves to me that Jessica is truly capable of so many things. We just have to figure out a way to get her star to shine.

Jessica and paper

Today was Jessica's monthly Daisy Girl Scout meeting. Lately these meetings have been touch and go with her. She has told me at home that she doesn't want to do the scouts anymore. But I know that when she sees her classmates in their vests, that she would be upset is she didn't have hers. Plus, I know for a fact that she enjoys the meetings once she is there. I think it may be an anticipation thing for her. Even though we try to keep the meeting format consistent, we are always doing different things. And unfortunately when you are on the autism spectrum, consistency is something you really crave.

Today they girls were earning a badge that had to do with being honest and fair. We had 14 girls at the meeting, and I made 7 large cupcakes, and 7 small cupcakes. The girls had to problem solve and try to find a fair way to distribute the cupcakes.

Jessica immediately started getting upset because the cupcakes were not chocolate. Then she was upset because she just wanted a cupcake and didn't want to have this long conversation about them. I KNEW this was going to be an activity that she didn't enjoy. And I KNEW that she would be very vocal and act out. It was so hard because my co-leader and I were trying to teach the girls a lesson about being fair, and here was my daughter being unfair. I really didn't know how to address it. I wanted her to be a part of the activity, but I also wanted the other girls to be able to figure it out without having Jessica screaming.

The girls finally decided that if they split the cupcakes, everyone could get 1/2 a large and 1/2 a small one. Well this set Jessica off. And you know what she ate? The cupcake paper. UGH. She likes to eat paper. I admit it. My daughter loves to eat things that are not food. And of course all the girls yell out to me "Darcy! Jessica is eating paper!!".

Once again, Jessica's actions are making her stick out. Sometimes I really wish for her to just be like the rest of the girls. To not meow and hiss at people. To eat food and not paper. But I realize that there are so many things about her that are "imperfect", and it makes her the girl I love so much. She is quirky, and funny, and silly, and shy, and has the most beautiful blueberry eyes. I really love that girl Jessica....even if she does eat paper.

Jessica and the future

Jessica, in an out of character episode asked if she could help me make dinner tonight. I was making my famous breakfast-for-dinner french toast. She was in charge of stirring the egg/milk combo. Which I have to say she did very well. Do I perhaps have a James Beard award winner on my hands? Who knows???

Anyhoo...Jessica is stirring the eggs, and casually says to me: "Do we have diabetes?" And at this point I am wondering if she saw too many Wilfred Brimley commercials, or if she has been talking to her 14 year old sister who is convinced she will get diabetes.
I answered, "No we don't. But you never know what the future holds."

She looks up at me, smiles and says "Flying cars."

Apparently in Jessica's version of the future, we are a family of diabetics who drive flying cars.

Jessica's Mom and The Mystery of the Missing Chocolate Syrup

Ok just a little rant from me, Jessica's Mom.

Jessica gets into EVERYTHING. Lotions, soaps, chips, bananas, yogurts, money, paperwork, you name it she finds a way to get into it and make a mess. Today I went to Walgreens for maybe a 20 minute trip. I came home to find 2 half empty milk jugs sitting on the kitchen floor. I walked cautiously into the pantry (where our sink is), and realize that the bottle of Hershey's chocolate syrup that we bought last night is empty. It is apparent that someone wanted to make some chocolate milk. The tricky thing is that there was no sign of the chocolate. No cups or bowls halfway full of chocolatey goodness.

I walked into the livingroom and find my 5 year old son playing Wii, my husband asleep on the couch (he works overnights), and Jessica in the corner of the couch on my laptop.
I call her name, and she freezes. This immediately tells me she did something wrong and she knows it. I call her name again, and she looks away from me and freezes again. I ask her where the chocolate is. I then tell her that I know she can hear me, and that it would make me happy if she looked at me. This ilicits a head turn, and the "Talk to the hand" wave. UGH....I know this is going to be a rough one.

I ask her again where the chocolate is, and I finally get some response. This is what she says to me after each time I ask her where the chocolate is:


"In Daddy's tummy"
"Mad Kitty licked it all"
"In the mailbox"

At this point I am praying she didn't squeeze it all into the mailbox.

The mystery of the chocolate syrup has not been solved. I am wary that it just "disappeared". I feel like someone waiting for their friends to pull a practical joke on them. What will I find when I slip my foot in my shoe, or will my sugar bowl be filled with syrupy love?
Ah, the joys of Jessica!

Jessica and her grandfather

This is a quickie....

I was on the phone with my father this morning, when Jessica came by and asked to speak with him. She got on the phone, and started speaking in her Mad Kitty voice.
She was saying things that didn't make sense (well to anyone but Jessica that is).
Suddenly Jack, the 5 year old voice of reason screams "Can you speak like a person??!!"

From the mouths of babes. If only it was that easy :-)

Jessica and February Vacation

We have ALMOST survived another school vacation. I say almost because technically there are still 3 days left. It actually hasn't been as bad as past vacations though. We were lucky enough to go to Cape Cod for a few days. We stayed at a hotel that had plenty of activities for the kids, so they were more than adequately occupied. I think Jessica did every activity the hotel offered up. When we checked in, they gave us a calendar of all the happenings. Jessica lived by that calendar. She looked at it almost hourly to decide what the next thing to do would be. She made stuffed animals, decorated cookies, and swam in the wave pool, among other things. I think her favorite part was a kids dance party they had the last night we were there. If you follow this blog, you know Jessica likes to dance. So a dance party is sooooooo Jessica. It became obvious during the dance party that Jessica was in her own little world. She shook, boogied, twirled, and egyptian danced her way around the whole dance floor. Never really dancing with anyone, or even making eye contact. It was funny and sad all in one. I watched her make her way around and wished she would stop and have fun with another child. But I guess she was happy dancing and flitting around....so I can't really complain. Please enjoy the following videos. One is of Jessica unable to contain her musicality while waiting in line for a balloon animal, and another is of Jessica being Jessica!



PS....Jessica's brother Jack is the boy in the jeans and Lego Star Wars shirt behind her with the sweet moves.

Jessica and Whitey Bulger...yes, I said Whitey Bulger

As a Mom to a daughter with autism, I have grown accustomed to Jessica not asking for things. She figures out what she needs and tries to get it for herself.
This has been true since she was a toddler. She never asked for milk, or something to eat. She always just went to the refrigerator and did her best to get what she wanted.

We live in Massachusetts, and there is a predicted snow storm for tomorrow. When Jessica came home from school today she had left her snow pants and boots at school. I sent my husband to the school to retrieve the items because I knew she would need them in the morning.

He opened her locker and found 2 magnets, both of which had been on our fridge. Neither of us had noticed they were missing. One magnet was a school picture of herself from last year. The second magnet is where is gets dicey. It was a magnet with the mugshots of Whitey and Billy Bulger. My daughter had a magnet with MUGSHOTS in her locker! WHAT????

My husband was smart enough to take a picture. I swear to you, I laughed until I cried. This is just SO Jessica. She wanted magnets for her locker, and instead of asking me for some she just took what she could find. That kid is a piece of work!

Jessica and pony tails/pig tails

Every morning is a fight with Jessica deciding what to do with her hair. Last year, and all last summer she happily wore a headband, or let me pull her hair back in a pony tail. It was fabulous for a number of reasons. It stays out of her face, she looks super cute, and hair that has skipped a couple night of shampoos still looks good in a pony tail.

In August Jessica found a pair of scissors, and cut her hair. It was as tragic as it could have been, but it definitely cut our hairdo options by 90%. The pic on the right is actually right after I had Snip It's fix the cut she gave herself.

So now it's 6 months later, and her hair is long enough to pull back. But since this has not been a practiced behavior/routine for so long, Jessica freaks out. Every morning I give her a choice of "piggy, or pony"? She always screams "CLIPPY!!!"

To Jessica, clippy means take any clip and randomly affix it to the back of her head. It hold no hair back, and it doesn't look all that good.

Sooooo....this brings me to today. We had Jessica's brother Jack's 5th birthday party at a local place called Jump On In. We HAD to leave the house at 1pm so we could be there for 1:15. I timed everything out perfectly, until I got to Jessica's hair. Against her wishes, I pulled it back into a lovely pony tail. 2 minutes later Jessica is screaming and crying. She wants a CLIPPY!!!

We had a back and forth argument, with her continuing to cry, and me telling her if she didn't stop crying she couldn't go to the party. 10 minutes later, I look at her and the pony tail has been replaced by a clippy in the back of her head. I looked at her, and was about to say something when that smart little girl says, "Mom, see....I'm not crying!"

I guess I have to pick my battles. I just want her to look cute!

Jessica and The Black Eyed Peas

Jessica likes to shake her booty. Wait, scratch that....she LOVES to shake her booty. She especially likes to shake it to the Black Eyed Peas. Here is the latest video I took of her, and it is one of my favorites. Pay close attention to the beginning where she puts on her invisible cat ears, whiskers, and cat curly tail. Because you know, she thinks she is a cat.

Jessica and, well....CATS

Short and sweet.

While talking about her birthday (in April), Jessica asked me if she could have a Meow Mix cake.

That's my girl!

Jessica and Girl Scouts Part Two

We had our first official Daisy Girl Scout outing today. It was a Cookie Rally, and the girls had a nice time. Although I did spend a majority of the time reeling Jessica in.

At one point the girls were making frog masks. They decorated a piece of construction paper, and cut out the mask. They used yarn to tie the mask around their head.

While I was helping one of my Daisy's, I looked over and saw Jessica lying on the floor. She was on her back with her arms and legs in the air flittering about with the ball of yarn. I immediately knew that she was prentending to be a cat playing with yarn. It was a lot of fun trying to explain to the parents that my daughter thinks she is a cat.

Jessica and YouTube

Jessica is a big fan of YouTube. She steals my laptop, clicks on the "favorites" star, and journeys over to Youtube.
Her favorite thing to do is to type "CAT" into the search bar. This of course elicits hundreds of videos. As a side note, when I go on YouTube there is a section where it recommends videos based on my previous viewings. It comes as no surprise that YouTube thinks I love cats, Pokemon, and Ugly Dolls.

She watches these cat videos for hours. Some are basic videos that people have uploaded of their cats doing silly things. Some have clever subtitles of what the cat may be thinking. Others even have a soundtrack. I notice that she particularly likes one video that is serenaded by Black Sabbath singing "Crazy Train".

Initially when I heard that song playing, I thought Mike had turned on the radio. Then I came to find Jessica in my bed watching cats bounce off walls SINGING along to Crazy Train.
Another time I found her jamming to Numa Numa. You know that crazy viral video of the boy dancing in his chair?

I figured out I needed to perhaps monitor her YouTube searches when I caught her singing "Smack That" by Akon. She was lying in my bed next to me, and broke out into the chorus. Complete with smacking her backside. Does YouTube have parental controls?

Jessica and Girl Scouts

Jessica is a Daisy Girl Scout. She seems to like being a Daisy. I am a Daisy troop leader. Mostly because I don't think Jessica would be able to be a Daisy without me being there. Well, to be honest I wouldn't want to leave Jessica with another parent that might not "get" Jessica and all her quirks.

For example....

Today we were in our Daisy circle talking about being responsible for what we do and say. It was a very deep conversation (as deep as 1st graders can get). All the girls were paying attention very closely to what was being said etc.
At this point, I look over at Jessica and she is drawing an imaginary cat on the floor of the cafeteria with her fingers. I could tell it was a cat only because she does this ALL the time. I quietly reminded her to pay attention...that lasted about 2 minutes. The next thing I know, she takes off her shoe and is smelling her shoe and foot. Now all the girls are looking at her, and in unison scream "EWWWWWW!!"

So much for being responsible for what you say and do!
My kid likes to smell her feet. And draw imaginary cats.

Jessica's career plans

This one is from about a month ago, but is definitely worthy of this blog.

For those of you who have followed my Jessica-centric Facebook posts, you know that Jessica is obsessed with cats. Every school paper that comes home has a cat drawn in the corner. Every pretend game she plays, she is a cat. She even has an alter ego named "Mad Kitty". Mad Kitty kisses and scratches, and "battles" (thanks Pokemon!)

It was a Saturday, and I was lucky enough to be able to have my niece Allison (6) come over to play with the kids. Jack, Jessica, and I went to her house to pick her up. On the drive home, my VERY bright niece informed me that when she grew up she wanted to be a Marine Biologist. Jack immediately asked what a Marine Biologist was. And while explaining it, Jessica chimes in and says "Mommy, when I grow up I want to be a cat."

That's my girl!

Jessica at the movies

It was Christmas vacation last week, and Jessica had pneumonia. The poor kid was sick all week, so I decided on Saturday when she was feeling better to take her to the movies. We saw The Princess and the Frog. Good flick....made me cry.

So I should tell you that Jessica is obsessed with finding cashiers and customer service people that are wearing names tags, and happen to be named Jessica.

We were in line at the concession stand, and Jessica spots her namesake across the popcorn popper. You should note, Concession Stand Jessica(CSJ) was NOT waiting on us.

Jessica zeroes in on CSJ, and screams "Jessica! Hi Jessica! Hi Jessica! Hi Jessica!"
The young man waiting on us immediately looks to CSJ, thinking that we know her and calls her over. At this point I have to explain that my daughters name is Jessica, and CSJ's name is Jessica, etc. We all have a little giggle. That is until Jessica asks the boy what his name is. He tells her is is Raymond. So of course she says, "Oh hi Johnny. Mommy look it's Jessica and Johnny" "Hi Jessica & Johnny! Hi Jessica & Johnny".
At this point we grabbed our Icee and headed for the door.

Jessica-ism's 101

Let's just face it. My daughter Jessica is funny. She doesn't mean to be funny, but she is. People keep telling me I need to write down some of the things she says, so here it is. My Jessica blog.